When The Last Teardrops Falls

It's so hard to lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye
You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin' on
And all that you can do is cry
Deep within your heart you know it's time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone

When the last tear drop falls
I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be

When the last tear drop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls

So now I'm alone and life keeps movin' on
But my destination still unknown, oh yeah
Will there be a time when I'll fall in love again?
When I was meant to walk these streets alone
If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right back by my side

Now it's time for me to find my happiness again
And the emptiness from missin' you
Will never ever end, baby

Best Friend - Jason Chen

Do you remember when I said I'd always be there.
Ever since we were ten, baby.
When we were out on the playground playing pretend.
Didn't know it back then.

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
Back when we were so innocent

I pray for all your love  
Boy our love is so unreal
I just wanna reach and touch you, squeeze you, somebody pinch me
This is something like a movie
And I dont know how it ends boy
But I fell in love with my Best Friend
Through all the girls that came by
And all the nights that you'd cry.
Boy I was there right by your side.
How could I tell you I loved you
When you were so happy
With some other girl?

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
When we were so innocent.


I know it sounds crazy
That you'd be my baby.
 Boy you mean that much to me.

And nothing compares when
We're lighter than air and
We don't wanna come back down.

And I don't wanna ruin what we have
Love is so unpredictable.

But it's the risk that I'm taking, hoping, praying
You'd fall in love with your best friend


I remember when I said I'd always be there
Ever since we were ten baby.

The pieces don't fit anymore

Hari sabtu harusnya jadi hari yang paling ditunggu-tunggu semua pelajar, nggak terkecuali gue. Tapi nggak untuk minggu kemarin. Sekolah lagi alay banget sampe-sampe sabtu pun masih ada UTS.
Rasanya bangun pagi di hari sabtu itu...... hhhhh I can't even remember how was that feel.
Oke setelah mengerjakan soal-soal UTS yang menggila, penderitaan belum berhenti disitu. Kenapa? Ya, karna LIA. Anak berbakti banget nggak sih gue? :")
Selesai LIA ceritanya mau refreshing, datenglah ke rumah Luti. Pas lagi hahahihi tiba tiba Sella ngeliat hapenya dan muka nya berubah panik. I was having a bad feeling anyway. Dan ternyata bener, He-who-mustn't-be-named itu sms Sella bahwa nyokapnya kecelakaan. Deg, badan gue rasanya kayak gak ada tulang. Lemes banget, gila. Tapi gue berusaha kalem, sok gak peduli padahal mah rasanya udah mau naik ojek aja tuh ke bekasi timur regensi *eh
Terus gak beberapa lama, dia bilang nyokapnya gapapa and he thanked us for our supports. Rasanya lega selega-leganya kayak baru pipis. Oke lanjut.
I was decided to text him as a support, layaknya temen aja gimana sih. And, unexpectedly, kita ngobrol banyak selama 3 hari in a row. Nggak paham juga deh tuh kenapa bisa. And my mistake, i was too naive. Terakhir gue sms untuk sekedar nyemangatin aja gak dibales. Oke itu masih kalem. Mention di twitter lebih gak dilirik. Oke itu udah susah kalem. Hari senin pagi dia bilang dia sakit dan belum sarapan. Dan gue dengan paniknya langsung cabut ke sekolah pagi-pagi buta, cuma buat apa? Iya, buat sekedar ngasih dia sarapan supaya nggak tepar pas UAS. And I've just realized that I do still care a lot about him more than he could know.
Usaha untuk lebih baik........udah. Buang gengsi jauh-jauh......udah. Ngomong baik-baik......udah. Hasilnya? nihil. Then, i feel so stupid for thinking you've been so much better.

Selesai. Nggak perlu ada lagi usaha apapun karna emang nggak ada yang tersisa. The only thing left is this pain. At least, it reminds me that you were real. Semuanya sekarang terlihat useless dan sampah banget ya.  Apapun yang gue lakuin pasti ujungnya sama, nggak lebih dari sekedar air mata. And yes, the pieces just don't fit here anymore.

"Some people come into our life and quickly go. 

Some stay and leave a big footprints, and we are never ever the same"

The hardest thing to do after your real leaving is holding back these tears, Diy.

More Than Enough

They said that I was very lucky..........

August 15th, 2012
Hari itu nggak jauh beda sama hari sebelumnya. Layaknya pelajar yang lagi menikmati indahnya kasur, gue nggak beranjak dari situ.
Rutinitas sama, ya itu itu aja. But I should admit, that night was different.
Malem itu, entah kenapa twitter di hape lagi error. Jadi gue berusaha ngotak-ngatik macam anak sycomm. Oke ini nggak penting.
Pas gue lagi ribet sendiri ngotak-ngatik ubers dan tfb, LED biru muda nyala, suprisingly. Reflek, gue diem. Sekitar 1 detik kemudian, muncul crunch sms di layar hape gue. He texted me.
Awalnya, itu bukan sms yang penting. Dan jujur, itu unexpected banget secara gue kira nggak bakal ada komunikasi apa apa lagi.
Theeeen, dengan muka setengah excited tapi jaim, mencoba menanggapi sms yang sebenernya nggak penting itu. After some messages, suasana mencair dengan sendirinya. He told me about everything he did a few weeks ago.
Nggak cuma itu. Next, we talked about future. And somehow it's like he gave me a clue that he would stay by my side in the next couple years. Be honest, i wish it was right.
Rasanya udah lama banget nggak ngerasain itu. Ya, in the last six months exactly.
Terus, kita lanjut cerita tentang segala hal. Garis bawahi, segala hal. That was cute, but all that cute stuffs make me miss him more than ever. Gue nggak terlalu excited, karna harus sadar kalo sekarang konteks nya udah 'berbeda'.
So, i decided to talk like nothing happened. Supaya doi juga comfort untuk cerita lagi.

I just can't believe that last night we just talked like nothing happened. And I was so grateful. Lalu, saat itu, gue membatin............... This is more than enough.

They said that I was lucky. It makes me wonder......... If I'm lucky enough to always have you here, Am i lucky enough to HAVE YOU BACK?
I don't know, I just put my hope up. I wish that i could fix it all. But I just can't.

God is good. He gives me a chance to not really get left out and I promised myself to not waste my time, no more.

Dear you, whenever you need someone to talk to, please remember that you always have me. Though we're not as close as we used to be, I won't leave, literally.
Because.......... I do love you, until longer than forever.

Thanks for that night :)

That was me

One day, i heard a girl was telling her bestfriend about what she has been through. Tears were streaming down her face, but somehow i could feel the pain the way she does.
She said "There is time when I have to let go what i never really had. As you know, my heart is breaking into pieces."

And yeah, that was me.

What's the point of letting go something you've been struggled for years? Pain. That's all I've got. I've spent 2 years for thing i thought i should've had. But I don't. I always knew that people change but memories remain forever. I don't blame you for this heart damage. Because, I bet that even the sweetest chocolate expires.

So, i decided to forget, not the people, but the feeling i have for them. All that cute stuffs I received, every photos we took, songs we sang out loud, those deepest secrets we shared, times we spent together will always be a reminder that you were real. We were real.

After your (real) leaving, i've learnt to not getting attached to someone. Why? Because when he left, you would feel lost. I can't feel anything at all.
I will never delete some pieces that you left me. I would rather ignore it and keep it safe. Yeah, I tried. But somehow I can't stand to see them all over again and it cost my heart a pain.

You're still here, still around, still talking to me like nothing happened, still walking in the same street, still going to the same place, still laughing at the same jokes, but somehow you're so far away. You're here, and you're not.

If this called love, then why does it feel so bad?

I just can't believe we end up this way. We have nothing to say to each other. Yeah, i should admit, I'm dying everytime I see you feel nothing at all. While, I'm here, staring at you with the broken pieces. It's not that I can't live without you. It's just the best thing that's ever happened to me has gone. I mustn't expect anything because it will never back.

The only thing left is being strong. It's not going to be easy, not at all. But i should find my old self back. I want my old life back, without you. Without this killing pain, of course.

31 Juli 2012

Selasa, 31 Juli 2012

Tak banyak berbeda dengan hari yang lain. Rutinitas yang sama, tempat dan waktu yang sama, orang-orang yang sama, hanya pengalamannya yang berbeda,
Sebenernya, ini bukan hal yang layak untuk diceritakan ulang. Namun, aku hanya ingin sekedar mengingatkan diri sendiri bahwa Allah itu selalu adil.

Cerita ini diawali ketika aku memutuskan untuk pergi sama Luti, Sella, Salsa. Semua berjalan lancar dan menyenangkan. Sepanjang jalan, yang ku lakukan hanya tertawa dan becanda. Menutupi apa yang sebenarnya aku rasakan. Awalnya, ku pikir, hari itu akan menjadi hari yang sangat menyenangkan.

Kami terus berjalan dan berjalan. Sampai akhirnya, aku terpaku di suatu tempat.
Dari jarak yang tidak terlalu jauh, aku melihat seseorang. Aku melihatnya. Tak banyak yang bisa ku lakukan, selain hanya diam dan tak henti menatap. Lidah ku kelu tak bisa berkata sepatah kata pun.
 Sekitar 5 detik kemudian, aku merasakan sudut sudut mataku terasa panas. Tapi tak kubiarkan air mata itu menetas cepat. Lalu, aku pergi menjauh.
Pahit. Hanya itu satu-satunya hal yang ku rasakan tepat saat itu. Aku tak banyak bicara, karna aku tau, hatiku hancur. Lalu, ku biarkan air mata ini menetes, seiring dengan sakit yang semakin terasa.
Pikirku saat itu, mengapa disaat aku sedang senang, justru aku diperlihatkan dan dibiarkan merasakan hal sepahit itu?
Mereka bilang, Allah itu adil. Lagipula, katanya, senang dan sedih kan datangnya satu paket.

Tak banyak yang ingin ku bahas tentang cerita ini. Aku hanya berharap, apabila orang itu membaca ini, dia menyadari apa yang telah dia lakukan kali ini adalah hal yang mungkin akan sangat sulit untuk dimaafkan apalagi dilupakan.

Thanks for today. 

Dua Puluh Empat

Disaat gelap datang menemaniku
Aku hampir saja menyerah
Lalu ku pejamkan mata ini
Berharap sebuah keajaiban

Dan saat ku buka mata
Yang ku lihat hanya sebuah cahaya

Ternyata keajaiban itu benar adanya
Tuhan telah mengirim salah satu malaikatnya untukku
Dan itu, kamu

Senyuman yang selalu mewarnai siang ku
Tawa yang selalu terdengar merdu dalam kebisingan
Wajah yang selalu menyejukkan kalbu
Tak pernah kutemukan lagi di tempat lain

Saat hujan menghempas butir butir tanah di bumi
Saat itu pula aku berharap ingatan tentangmu akan abadi
Aku rela mati
Asal terus dibiarkan menyimpan kenangan tentangmu

Apabila suatu hari nanti, takdir mempersatukan kita
Aku bersumpah akan terus menjagamu sampai hembusan nafas terakhirku
Namun, apabila takdir tidak memberiku kesempatan
Aku bersumpah ingatan tentang kamu akan abadi dan utuh sampai jantungku berhenti berdetak


Akankah takdir yang telah mempertemukan kita, justru tak membiarkan kita bersama?

Kamulah satu-satunya penantian abadi ku

It's always been you