More Than Enough

They said that I was very lucky..........

August 15th, 2012
Hari itu nggak jauh beda sama hari sebelumnya. Layaknya pelajar yang lagi menikmati indahnya kasur, gue nggak beranjak dari situ.
Rutinitas sama, ya itu itu aja. But I should admit, that night was different.
Malem itu, entah kenapa twitter di hape lagi error. Jadi gue berusaha ngotak-ngatik macam anak sycomm. Oke ini nggak penting.
Pas gue lagi ribet sendiri ngotak-ngatik ubers dan tfb, LED biru muda nyala, suprisingly. Reflek, gue diem. Sekitar 1 detik kemudian, muncul crunch sms di layar hape gue. He texted me.
Awalnya, itu bukan sms yang penting. Dan jujur, itu unexpected banget secara gue kira nggak bakal ada komunikasi apa apa lagi.
Theeeen, dengan muka setengah excited tapi jaim, mencoba menanggapi sms yang sebenernya nggak penting itu. After some messages, suasana mencair dengan sendirinya. He told me about everything he did a few weeks ago.
Nggak cuma itu. Next, we talked about future. And somehow it's like he gave me a clue that he would stay by my side in the next couple years. Be honest, i wish it was right.
Rasanya udah lama banget nggak ngerasain itu. Ya, in the last six months exactly.
Terus, kita lanjut cerita tentang segala hal. Garis bawahi, segala hal. That was cute, but all that cute stuffs make me miss him more than ever. Gue nggak terlalu excited, karna harus sadar kalo sekarang konteks nya udah 'berbeda'.
So, i decided to talk like nothing happened. Supaya doi juga comfort untuk cerita lagi.

I just can't believe that last night we just talked like nothing happened. And I was so grateful. Lalu, saat itu, gue membatin............... This is more than enough.

They said that I was lucky. It makes me wonder......... If I'm lucky enough to always have you here, Am i lucky enough to HAVE YOU BACK?
I don't know, I just put my hope up. I wish that i could fix it all. But I just can't.

God is good. He gives me a chance to not really get left out and I promised myself to not waste my time, no more.

Dear you, whenever you need someone to talk to, please remember that you always have me. Though we're not as close as we used to be, I won't leave, literally.
Because.......... I do love you, until longer than forever.

Thanks for that night :)

That was me

One day, i heard a girl was telling her bestfriend about what she has been through. Tears were streaming down her face, but somehow i could feel the pain the way she does.
She said "There is time when I have to let go what i never really had. As you know, my heart is breaking into pieces."

And yeah, that was me.

What's the point of letting go something you've been struggled for years? Pain. That's all I've got. I've spent 2 years for thing i thought i should've had. But I don't. I always knew that people change but memories remain forever. I don't blame you for this heart damage. Because, I bet that even the sweetest chocolate expires.

So, i decided to forget, not the people, but the feeling i have for them. All that cute stuffs I received, every photos we took, songs we sang out loud, those deepest secrets we shared, times we spent together will always be a reminder that you were real. We were real.

After your (real) leaving, i've learnt to not getting attached to someone. Why? Because when he left, you would feel lost. I can't feel anything at all.
I will never delete some pieces that you left me. I would rather ignore it and keep it safe. Yeah, I tried. But somehow I can't stand to see them all over again and it cost my heart a pain.

You're still here, still around, still talking to me like nothing happened, still walking in the same street, still going to the same place, still laughing at the same jokes, but somehow you're so far away. You're here, and you're not.

If this called love, then why does it feel so bad?

I just can't believe we end up this way. We have nothing to say to each other. Yeah, i should admit, I'm dying everytime I see you feel nothing at all. While, I'm here, staring at you with the broken pieces. It's not that I can't live without you. It's just the best thing that's ever happened to me has gone. I mustn't expect anything because it will never back.

The only thing left is being strong. It's not going to be easy, not at all. But i should find my old self back. I want my old life back, without you. Without this killing pain, of course.